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shiegra
[tumblr.com profile] lauralandons, I think it was, made a post about struggling these days to engage fannishly with things--to feel the same old excitement, to feel the energy. It was like something clicked in my head when I read that; because yeah, I miss that so much. I want to feel that flare of interest and investment for characters, I want to feel that urge to talk about them, make fanworks about them, ponder the nuances of their choices and responses, think about the worldbuilding, pick at it, arguably improve/deepen it, splash around in the pond. I think a lot of my struggle has been me getting in my own way - especially in regard to brain shit mucking up my ability to emotionally engage with anything - but lately that realization has helped me recognize when I do feel some of that old spark.

discussion includes brief mention of rape and child abuse as backstory and more emotional stuffCollapse )

Originally posted by shiegra @ Dreamwidth with comment count unavailable comments.
 
 
Current Mood: sicksick
 
 
shiegra
21 August 2016 @ 04:10 pm
I was trying to write up an in-depth, thoughtful, possibly annotated review of Dark Souls--probably to be finished once I'd completed the game, ahem--but honestly I want to start blogging more, I love this game, and I'll probably make more than one post. Besides, better informed and more thoughtful people than me have made lore videos and posts before, and I mostly just want to talk about how much I love this damn game. (And if you're curious but don't play games/are wondering about getting it/just enjoy watching Let's Plays, ENB has a really good lore-based playthrough, From the Dark where he hunts down almost all of the obscure lore tidbits. If you're considering getting the game, though, I have to advise you to carefully look into making it work, because the PC port is, ah, not in tip-top shape.)

The premise is that you awaken as an undead human imprisoned in the Northern Undead Asylum, a place where humans marked by the Darksign are corralled and forgotten. You're aided in your escape - possibly accidentally - by a mysterious knight, and when you make your way through the damp stone halls, rusted and crumbled and in disarray, inhabited by Hollowed undead who have long since lost enough coherent thought to attempt to escape, you eventually find the selfsame mysterious knight gravely wounded by the Asylum Demon that is the penultimate line of defence against escape. The knight passes his mission on to you--to travel to Lordran and ring the Bells of Awakening to learn the fate of the Undead.

That's the bare bones plot of the opening, and it really doesn't touch on what makes the game so amazing. In rough order and my opinion, that would be: the environment, the gameplay, and last but definitely not least the way they manage to take a story about lonely remnants of a great civilization - its ruins peopled almost entirely by Hollows and a few clear-minded undead facing that grotesque and seemingly inevitable fate - and prevent that story from being feeling dreary and hopeless. I feel like this last is managed via the NPCs, which seems like a really odd thing to say about a game that has so little in-depth interaction. You're mostly all ships passing in the night, strangers sharing brief survival tips and practical aid but remaining separate with your own agendas.

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Originally posted by shiegra @ Dreamwidth with comment count unavailable comments.
 
 
Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted
 
 
shiegra
03 August 2016 @ 12:48 pm
So, the intensive course I was taking for a chunk of the summer has ended. It was six days a week and essentially (counting bus travel) from 7:00 AM to 9:30 PM, though Saturdays were usually a little shorter. It was a whirlwind, and stressful - there was a lot of people-meeting involved, and I...struggle with people - but now that it's over, I don't quite know what to do with myself.

Well, in the absence of knowing, I guess I'll just try to do good on my dozen abandoned vows to blog more on DW? Tumblr is just - for all its faults - so easy to hop onto and slink off of. Low effort! Such low effort! Especially when you're navigating it the way I have.

It's been a bad mental health year, and a year is probably a conservative estimate. I'm just trying the whole 'one day at a time, one small step forward at a time' thing. My sister moved back in, but unfortunately I still don't see her much. (On the other hand I'm very anxious about her good opinion of me, so maybe that's for the best.) I'm taking some film classes, and I've learned a) incredibly invaluable lessons in writing, storytelling and teamwork and b) that the film industry has potential to be tremendous and is often depressing. (Knew this already, I guess.) I've also learned that my pickiness about trailer editing - I USED TO ENJOY GOING TO THE MOVIES EARLY ENOUGH TO SEE TRAILERS - is ten times worse now that I actually do some video editing myself.

Killjoys season two is out, which means I really want to finish season one and watch season two. Suckily, my mood being this low and brain feeling this crap means I'm back to square one in the 'twitchy and overreactive and virtually unable to compartmentalize' stage and my progress has screeched to a halt.

I'm curious about Stranger Things, masochistically finishing Penny Dreadful now that it's done, The Chronicles of Shannara and hopefully Nikita? And a number of other things that aren't floating to mind right now. Also I want to finish Dark Souls and gush about it. A lot. And finish recording and editing the Let's Play of Dragon Age: Origins that has gotten ridiculously long but has kept my mental health limping along somehow so.

Also I really, really want to start writing again. That is, to write things I don't tear up or delete six minutes later.

Originally posted by shiegra @ Dreamwidth with comment count unavailable comments.
 
 
Current Mood: crappycrappy
 
 
shiegra
05 March 2016 @ 03:19 pm
Well, I just spent the better part of today scrubbing toilets with cramps and a hangover. Sometimes when your life choices come home to roost, they really squawk along the way.

Originally posted by shiegra @ Dreamwidth with comment count unavailable comments.
 
 
Current Mood: crappycrappy
 
 
shiegra
12 February 2016 @ 06:58 pm
I have to admit, one of the main reasons I find Steel's Edge enjoyable but frustrating is their take on the mythology of healers. I like environments and magical backgrounds that make the gift or the act of magic nuanced and multi-faceted, and although they do get into the flipside of healing - the fact that the manipulation of the body could be used to harm as well as do good - they still make it into this kind of ridiculous binarist mess.

The fact is medicines and the act of healing itself involves a lot of scenarios and treatments where 'damage' or destructive tactics are used to mitigate problems or to improve health. Many, many medicines can be toxic in the right doses. Fever can do terrible damage and kill but is a biological tactic to kill bacterial or viral infections. Amputation can prevent rot from spreading to the rest of the system. You get the point! So in some ways the 'halfway-there' idea of, 'well, healers can do damage but if they hurt people it will send them on an out of control spiral of ~seductive malice and mindless evil!' is even more annoying to me, because at least in other stories I could explore other sides in meta or fanfiction. It's just so rigid and black-and-white punishing an aspect of worldbuilding.

Also, it kinda leaves a bad taste in my mouth - not necessarily strictly trying to upbraid the authors here, just saying bad taste - that Charlotte, the compassionate healer called defective (by a villain) for being unable to bear a child, is the one whose power - if it slips out of the kindly sweetness and light realm - must be 'carefully contained' because lashing out in a moment of pain and/or experiencing petty schadenfreude will lead her irrevocably down a path of corruption and evil.

I think it's a good book, but it contains some worldbuilding that really leaves me cold. Also, they are so much better at writing non-creepy non-identical male leads in the Kate Daniels series.

Originally posted by shiegra @ Dreamwidth with comment count unavailable comments.
 
 
Current Mood: calmcalm
 
 
 
shiegra
Domestic shipping meme questions for Angel/Gaige, because why have self-control?

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Originally posted by shiegra @ Dreamwidth with comment count unavailable comments.
 
 
Current Mood: moodyemotional
 
 
shiegra
(and/or at the very least the day off)

best wishes/happy holidays/merry christmas, everyone

Originally posted by shiegra @ Dreamwidth with comment count unavailable comments.
 
 
Current Mood: tiredtired
 
 
shiegra
There was a meme a while back I'm too distracted to dig up properly about looking at your icon page and seeing trends, and I was glancing through my icons seeing what I might be willing to give up if I upload the giant passel of icons I'm thinking of, and contemplating that.

I noticed:
  • not enough kissing icons. So many kissing icons, and yet not enough.

  • apparently I have a heretofore unidentified passion for red washed close ups of women's faces looking down???

  • shocking no one, primarily female characters

  • I have to work hard to make myself upload icons that aren't people's faces

  • vivid colours, vivid colours, I WANT ALL THE COLOUR

  • I agonize over icons and I agonize over keywords, SO MUCH, but sometimes it's actually satisfying instead of frustrating to look at them after!


Originally posted by shiegra @ Dreamwidth with comment count unavailable comments.
 
 
Current Mood: pleasedpleased
 
 
shiegra
22 December 2015 @ 11:51 am
personal junkCollapse )

Originally posted by shiegra @ Dreamwidth with comment count unavailable comments.
 
 
Current Mood: tiredtired
 
 
shiegra
07 December 2015 @ 01:12 am
Links all snitched from [personal profile] umadoshi for 'neat news' of the day: The Star Wars folding screens just unveiled at Kyoto’s Kiyomizu Temple are amazing, and 12+ Rare Wild Cat Species You Probably Didn’t Know Exist (NOW THAT'S THE CONTENT I'M LOOKING FOR IN MY INTERNET GOING LIFE) and Fruits Basket! Is being re-released! I can finally finish my collection and re-traumatize myself with a full reread.

Speaking of which, I need to finish rereading D.Grayman. I stalled where my purchased copies ran out - somewhere around vol.15 - so I need to either resort to scanlations or make my wallet resume weeping tears of blood. Our local library does not have a good supply of manga.

LET'S DO AN ICON MEME, and I am making one up in honour of redoing my icon page. (Though now that I'm running out of space, I'm deleting and uploading the last fifteen in a finicky and panicked fashion.)

Go to my icon page, pick five of my icons you want to hear me talk about (or ask a specific question about!) Then I will do the same for you in a comment chain of icon love.


Originally posted by shiegra @ Dreamwidth with comment count unavailable comments.
 
 
Current Mood: depresseddepressed