[d] done with my graceless heart

livejournal news

Opening admission that I copied pretty much all of this directly from [personal profile] umadoshi's helpful links post on the matter.

[personal profile] umadoshi:
If anyone's unaware of the recent behind-the-scenes changes at Livejournal, this is a good summary: "LiveJournal represents social media without borders". "As of a few days ago, the IP addresses for blogging service LiveJournal have moved to 81.19.74.*, a block that lookup services locate in Moscow, Russia. Now users -- especially those who do not trust the Russian government -- are leaving the platform and advising others to leave."

[personal profile] rahirah has a post with links and info. There have been so-far unsubstantiated reports of pro-Ukraine Cyrillic blogs being suspended without warning.

Honestly, [personal profile] umadoshi's post gives a much better link roundup and rundown, so it would be kind of superfluous for me to go on about it. The only thing I can think of to say is that I hope inadequately that this doesn't endanger Russian users on the site, and that--more frivolously--I don't want to lose the archived links, memories, and connection to lingering community there, but in a way it's like saying a long-building goodbye. It's odd to remember how long it's been since I actually visited that site in a substantial way.

Originally posted by shiegra @ Dreamwidth with comment count unavailable comments.
  • Current Mood: worried worried
[d] done with my graceless heart

ramblings about being fannish, the witcher, and borderlands 2

[tumblr.com profile] lauralandons, I think it was, made a post about struggling these days to engage fannishly with things--to feel the same old excitement, to feel the energy. It was like something clicked in my head when I read that; because yeah, I miss that so much. I want to feel that flare of interest and investment for characters, I want to feel that urge to talk about them, make fanworks about them, ponder the nuances of their choices and responses, think about the worldbuilding, pick at it, arguably improve/deepen it, splash around in the pond. I think a lot of my struggle has been me getting in my own way - especially in regard to brain shit mucking up my ability to emotionally engage with anything - but lately that realization has helped me recognize when I do feel some of that old spark.

discussion includes brief mention of rape and child abuse as backstory and more emotional stuffCollapse )

Originally posted by shiegra @ Dreamwidth with comment count unavailable comments.
[d] done with my graceless heart

Dark Souls I

I was trying to write up an in-depth, thoughtful, possibly annotated review of Dark Souls--probably to be finished once I'd completed the game, ahem--but honestly I want to start blogging more, I love this game, and I'll probably make more than one post. Besides, better informed and more thoughtful people than me have made lore videos and posts before, and I mostly just want to talk about how much I love this damn game. (And if you're curious but don't play games/are wondering about getting it/just enjoy watching Let's Plays, ENB has a really good lore-based playthrough, From the Dark where he hunts down almost all of the obscure lore tidbits. If you're considering getting the game, though, I have to advise you to carefully look into making it work, because the PC port is, ah, not in tip-top shape.)

The premise is that you awaken as an undead human imprisoned in the Northern Undead Asylum, a place where humans marked by the Darksign are corralled and forgotten. You're aided in your escape - possibly accidentally - by a mysterious knight, and when you make your way through the damp stone halls, rusted and crumbled and in disarray, inhabited by Hollowed undead who have long since lost enough coherent thought to attempt to escape, you eventually find the selfsame mysterious knight gravely wounded by the Asylum Demon that is the penultimate line of defence against escape. The knight passes his mission on to you--to travel to Lordran and ring the Bells of Awakening to learn the fate of the Undead.

That's the bare bones plot of the opening, and it really doesn't touch on what makes the game so amazing. In rough order and my opinion, that would be: the environment, the gameplay, and last but definitely not least the way they manage to take a story about lonely remnants of a great civilization - its ruins peopled almost entirely by Hollows and a few clear-minded undead facing that grotesque and seemingly inevitable fate - and prevent that story from being feeling dreary and hopeless. I feel like this last is managed via the NPCs, which seems like a really odd thing to say about a game that has so little in-depth interaction. You're mostly all ships passing in the night, strangers sharing brief survival tips and practical aid but remaining separate with your own agendas.

Read more...Collapse )

Originally posted by shiegra @ Dreamwidth with comment count unavailable comments.
  • Current Mood: exhausted exhausted
[d] done with my graceless heart

i am tired and headachy. insomnia is no fun

So, the intensive course I was taking for a chunk of the summer has ended. It was six days a week and essentially (counting bus travel) from 7:00 AM to 9:30 PM, though Saturdays were usually a little shorter. It was a whirlwind, and stressful - there was a lot of people-meeting involved, and I...struggle with people - but now that it's over, I don't quite know what to do with myself.

Well, in the absence of knowing, I guess I'll just try to do good on my dozen abandoned vows to blog more on DW? Tumblr is just - for all its faults - so easy to hop onto and slink off of. Low effort! Such low effort! Especially when you're navigating it the way I have.

It's been a bad mental health year, and a year is probably a conservative estimate. I'm just trying the whole 'one day at a time, one small step forward at a time' thing. My sister moved back in, but unfortunately I still don't see her much. (On the other hand I'm very anxious about her good opinion of me, so maybe that's for the best.) I'm taking some film classes, and I've learned a) incredibly invaluable lessons in writing, storytelling and teamwork and b) that the film industry has potential to be tremendous and is often depressing. (Knew this already, I guess.) I've also learned that my pickiness about trailer editing - I USED TO ENJOY GOING TO THE MOVIES EARLY ENOUGH TO SEE TRAILERS - is ten times worse now that I actually do some video editing myself.

Killjoys season two is out, which means I really want to finish season one and watch season two. Suckily, my mood being this low and brain feeling this crap means I'm back to square one in the 'twitchy and overreactive and virtually unable to compartmentalize' stage and my progress has screeched to a halt.

I'm curious about Stranger Things, masochistically finishing Penny Dreadful now that it's done, The Chronicles of Shannara and hopefully Nikita? And a number of other things that aren't floating to mind right now. Also I want to finish Dark Souls and gush about it. A lot. And finish recording and editing the Let's Play of Dragon Age: Origins that has gotten ridiculously long but has kept my mental health limping along somehow so.

Also I really, really want to start writing again. That is, to write things I don't tear up or delete six minutes later.

Originally posted by shiegra @ Dreamwidth with comment count unavailable comments.
  • Current Mood: crappy crappy
[d] done with my graceless heart

steel's edge

I have to admit, one of the main reasons I find Steel's Edge enjoyable but frustrating is their take on the mythology of healers. I like environments and magical backgrounds that make the gift or the act of magic nuanced and multi-faceted, and although they do get into the flipside of healing - the fact that the manipulation of the body could be used to harm as well as do good - they still make it into this kind of ridiculous binarist mess.

The fact is medicines and the act of healing itself involves a lot of scenarios and treatments where 'damage' or destructive tactics are used to mitigate problems or to improve health. Many, many medicines can be toxic in the right doses. Fever can do terrible damage and kill but is a biological tactic to kill bacterial or viral infections. Amputation can prevent rot from spreading to the rest of the system. You get the point! So in some ways the 'halfway-there' idea of, 'well, healers can do damage but if they hurt people it will send them on an out of control spiral of ~seductive malice and mindless evil!' is even more annoying to me, because at least in other stories I could explore other sides in meta or fanfiction. It's just so rigid and black-and-white punishing an aspect of worldbuilding.

Also, it kinda leaves a bad taste in my mouth - not necessarily strictly trying to upbraid the authors here, just saying bad taste - that Charlotte, the compassionate healer called defective (by a villain) for being unable to bear a child, is the one whose power - if it slips out of the kindly sweetness and light realm - must be 'carefully contained' because lashing out in a moment of pain and/or experiencing petty schadenfreude will lead her irrevocably down a path of corruption and evil.

I think it's a good book, but it contains some worldbuilding that really leaves me cold. Also, they are so much better at writing non-creepy non-identical male leads in the Kate Daniels series.

Originally posted by shiegra @ Dreamwidth with comment count unavailable comments.
  • Current Mood: calm calm
[d] done with my graceless heart

Icons Icons Icons I miss you so when I'm not here

There was a meme a while back I'm too distracted to dig up properly about looking at your icon page and seeing trends, and I was glancing through my icons seeing what I might be willing to give up if I upload the giant passel of icons I'm thinking of, and contemplating that.

I noticed:
  • not enough kissing icons. So many kissing icons, and yet not enough.

  • apparently I have a heretofore unidentified passion for red washed close ups of women's faces looking down???

  • shocking no one, primarily female characters

  • I have to work hard to make myself upload icons that aren't people's faces

  • vivid colours, vivid colours, I WANT ALL THE COLOUR

  • I agonize over icons and I agonize over keywords, SO MUCH, but sometimes it's actually satisfying instead of frustrating to look at them after!

Originally posted by shiegra @ Dreamwidth with comment count unavailable comments.
  • Current Mood: pleased pleased